Feelings
by the black knight
Summary: A rather whimsical piece. Artemis has a crush on a classmate and doesn't know quite what to do.


AN: Well, I normally despise romance fics of any sort, but, I suppose it IS valentines day. A concession. Okay, there are no Mary sues here. I don't think the female OC counts as one. I hope not, at least. I was tired of seeing this site bombarded with OOC-ness and Mary Sue-ism. So I decided to try my hand at it. Note, this is my first attempt at romance, and I wrote this within half an hour. So…

This is a dedication to my lack of luck with women. And to valentines day, I guess.

Please leave nice reviews. This is a one-shot, btw.

Feelings (whoa… only feeeeeeeelings)

Artemis Fowl was a master of his emotions. He did not allow raging hormones to engulf him, to dominate his actions. Artemis Fowl was in control.

So why did he feel so helpless?

He remembered the twinkle in her eye as she smiled at her friend, the serious, studied look on her face as she did her math, the way she bit her lip when in concentration.

Angrily, he yanked his thoughts away from such trivialities. He was a genius, he reminded himself. Not some lovesick adolescent. At least, he hoped so.

It wasn't as though she was extremely beautiful. More gorgeous girls had literally flung themselves at him, until one day he twisted his ankle and Butler had had a word with the culprit. Apparently, the aforesaid female now only slept with the night light on.

It wasn't as if she was a prodigy. She did reasonably well in school, though not fantastically. She certainly wasn't as intelligent as him. 

In fact, Artemis had had many more eligible young females vying for his attention. Why, why did he harbor romantic thoughts towards her?

There he went again, he thought angrily. Thinking about _her._

That was when he made his announcement.

"Mother, I have decided I will attend St. Ivverson high school more often from now on." St. Bartlebys had practically begged him to leave after a coup of his had nearly bankrupted the school. You could almost pity St. Ivverson. Their principal had resigned after the first two hours. His successor was holding out, but the strain was beginning to show. He had become an alcoholic within the hour.

Angeline Fowl was naturally suspicious. "Why, do you want to bomb the hall or something?" She asked, only half joking.

Artemis sniffed disdainfully. "Of course not, mother." As he left the room, he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear, "Been there, done that."

*

He watched her discreetly out of the corner of his eye. Irrationally, he resented her flippancy. How could she laugh and smile with her friends when this tempest was raging through his soul? He glared at her.

She caught the gaze, and looked confusedly at Artemis, her countenance registering slight hurt. She then turned away. Artemis mentally kicked himself. Great. Now she hated him.

The thought froze. Since when had he cared about anyone hating him? Many people had resented him or despised him in his admittedly short lifetime. He had been apathetic thus far. This was disconcerting.

__

Women, he muttered.

*

"Butler, I have a… problem." Artemis asked, slightly embarrassed.

"Yes, Master Artemis?" Butler asked laconically.

"What do you do, if, say hypothetically…"

"Yes?" Butler encouraged.

"Now, I want you to understand, this situation is purely imaginary…"

"Of course, Master Fowl."

"So, as I was saying, what if hypothetically- By the way, this is not reflected in my life at _all_."

"Never a doubt, Master Fowl," Butler said solemnly.

"So, hypothetically, say, there was this girl…"

Butler nodded sagaciously.

"And say, this adolescent male with slight anti-social tendencies fancied her…"

Butler hid a slight smile.

"How should this imaginary male approach this allegorical female?" Artemis choked out, his face red.

"Well, this purely fictional male should try and ask her out, I suppose."

"How?" Asked Artemis with surprising eagerness.

"Well, be confident. But not too confident. Just confident enough. You don't want to seem cocky or arrogant."

"I don't? Wait a minute," he said with eyes narrowed. "Whoever implied it was me we were talking about here?" Artemis asked, an eyebrow cocked.

"Slip of the tongue, Master Fowl," Butler answered with a poker face.

"Just go on." Artemis had whipped out a notepad.

"Make sure she knows you genuinely like her for who she is."

"Okay… hold on… got it." Artemis said as he scribbled furiously.

"And never, never use big words."

Artemis dropped his notepad in horror. "Dilute my lexicon?" Artemis paled. "But- but- How will I converse normally without the use of my verbosity?"

Artemis caught himself. "I don't mean 'I', of course. I mean the hypothetical fellow we mentioned."

"Of course, Master Fowl. Well, verbosity doesn't impress the girls, Artemis. It puts them off."

Artemis took a deep, shuddering breath. "If that's what it takes…" He gulped.

"Well, Artemis, you should also probably wear a-"

And so the talk continued.

*

Artemis steeled himself as he approached her table. He had the conversation all planned out. Unfortunately, it's easy to be suave and confident when one is writing the dialogue.

"Hello, Samantha," he greeted her.

She gave him a suspicious look. "Hello, Artemis," she said guardedly. He did, after all, have a reputation.

"I was wondering if you were free this-"

"Hey, Samantha! We on for tonight?" Another boy had walked up to the object of Artemis's affection. He kissed her on the cheek.

"Of course, John," she said warmly. "Now go away. Artemis is trying to say something." She mock hit him.

"Of course, Sam. See you tonight then!" He waved.

Artemis's heart sank like a stone.

"You were saying, Artemis?" she enquired.

"Nothing," Artemis said dejectedly. He walked back slowly to his desk and removed a bouquet of flowers from it. He stared blankly at their multi-varied hue.

__

One day. One day, he promised._ But not today._


End file.
